An Open Letter to Ex-Cutters: It's Okay to Miss Cutting

By Marie Allred - August 21, 2018



Self-injury. It scares people. At least in my experience, it does. Cutting is a scary thing. It probably even scares you yourself, but you still feel that you need to do it. Even a recovering cutter knows what it’s like to want so badly to go back to it. We want it because it’s easier. It’s an easy path to take to give us the relief we so desperately need, and it’s an easy path to take instead of finding ourselves alone with emotions we don’t even know how to begin sorting through. I promise you, I understand and I know the feeling.

I know you feel like you’re not strong enough to stay away from it, or you’re too weak to face what’s really behind the pain you’re feeling but you are wrong. You are wrong and I know because I’ve been there. I’ve been the girl who felt foolish and stupid and weak and I’ve been the kid who thinks that she can’t do anything differently. I’ve been the person who has panic attacks because I didn’t know what to do without it and I’ve been the person who screamed and lashed out and raised hell because I was addicted to that pain and I didn’t think I could make it through.

But the truth is, it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. It’s the rest of your life that you have to make it through.

I’m not telling you this to make you feel like you can’t make it that far and just want to die now, I’m telling you this because you deserve to know that it gets easier. For right now, take it one minute at a time if you have to. Take it one second at a time if that’s all you can handle but guess what? That one second will turn into a minute into an hour into a day that you will go on and you will still be okay. You will still be okay. I can promise that.

I know you might be scared, but it’s okay. That’s what bravery is, after all. Acting, even though you’re afraid.

So you might miss cutting, and you might slip up sometimes. Heaven only knows I do, but you have to learn how to give yourself a break. After all you’ve been through, you deserve that much. You deserve to know that those mistakes will not redefine the outcome of your life, and they are not an end all be all.



Until next time,
Marie A.

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